~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LEADERSHIP WIRED John C. Maxwell's FREE Semimonthly Newsletter Designed To Maximize Your Leadership Potential. November 2005 - Volume 8, Issue 21 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In This Issue: * Maxwell Moment – Take Someone with You * Leadership@Large – Surveying the Leadership Landscape * Book Review – From Self Defeating to Life Enhancing * Quick Quotes – Systematically Speaking ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Maxwell Moment ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TAKE SOMEONE WITH YOU By Dr. John C. Maxwell A year or two after my wife, Margaret, and I got married, we made a critical decision. We didn't have much money, but we decided that, whenever I was invited to speak in a city she wanted to visit, she would come with me. This was important to me because I didn't just want to come home and tell her about all the wonderful places I'd seen; I wanted her to experience them with me. We've traveled together for several decades now, and the memories and mementos we've collected from all the various places we've visited have greatly added to the richness of our life together. In fact, it's made such a difference in our journey as a couple that, whenever I see someone traveling alone, I always wonder, "Doesn't he have someone to take with him?" In the last issue of "Leadership Wired", I wrote about "traveling light" through life, which involves getting rid of excess emotional baggage and keeping short accounts with work associates and loved ones. Today, and for the next several issues, I'm going to stick with the theme of traveling through life and offer a few tips that hopefully will make your own journey a little more productive and fulfilling. The traveling advice I want to give you now is the relationship tip I alluded to before: On your journey through life, take someone with you. As I already mentioned, I've practiced this philosophy with my wife since the early days of our marriage, and I've also tried to incorporate it into my professional life. This traveling tip is especially appropriate for people in leadership or mentoring roles; after all, you can't be a leader unless you have someone to lead, and you can't be a mentor without someone to mentor. Now I must mention that, while being with people has provided some of the highlights of my life, it also provided some of the low lights. I'm sure you can relate to this. As I wrote in my book, "Winning with People", most people can trace both their successes and their failures to the relationships in their lives. That's just how life works. I'll be the first to admit that, sometimes, taking someone with you doesn't end well. But despite this reality, if we believe that our value to society comes down to what we do with and for other people, it's very essential to take the trip with somebody else. In "Winning with People", I identify a number of principles designed to help readers get along well with others, many of which highlight the value of taking someone with you. For example, the community principle states that what we do together is not as important as being together. The foxhole principle advises that when preparing for battle, dig a hole big enough for a friend. And the learning principle comes directly from a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, who said, "Every man I meet is in some way my superior and I can learn from him." As you think about the people that you are traveling with now, as well as others you might want to take with you in the future, here are two questions to consider: 1. How can I add value to them? This is a huge priority for me. Every evening, I ask myself a very simple question: Did I add value to someone today? In other words, did I encourage or help someone? Did I do something to help someone become a better worker, spouse or parent? If you're going to take someone with you, you must be intentional about adding value to their lives. 2. What can I learn from them? In order to learn, you have to listen. In fact, both these questions require listening. You can't help or learn from another person without listening to that individual. You have to find out where they are in their life journey before you can discover what you can offer to them, as well as what they can offer to you. Before I close, I need to mention one more concept from "Winning with People" that addresses a more sobering reality of taking someone with you. I call it the patience principle, and it says, "The man who goes alone can start the day, but he who travels with another must wait until the other is ready." Here's the application. When you take someone with you, it will inconvenience you. You won't get started as early as you wanted to get started. You won't get to stop at every place you wanted to stop. And you won't get to do everything you wanted to get done. All that can be very frustrating. And yet, if you decide to travel life alone because you don't want to be inconvenienced, all you will end up with is emptiness and loneliness. That's because we weren't placed here on earth for ourselves; we were placed here for others. And the moment that we understand and accept that, taking someone with us stops being a choice and becomes a responsibility. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Leadership@Large ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ REAL-WORLD ADVICE Twenty-somethings who are trying to figure out how to succeed in the "real world" could learn a great deal from an article published on "The Wall Street Journal's" executive career site, CareerJournal.com. The piece, which also is a worthwhile read for leaders who are mentoring younger team members, lists 10 tips about effective workplace conduct. Here are a few: 1. Shut up and listen. This is how the article's author, Karen Woodward, says she learned the most important lessons in her previous career as a film-industry assistant. 2. Admit your mistakes. "Covering for them rarely works," Woodward writes. "Just say, ‘I screwed up,' don't make excuses, and take steps to fix it." 3. Don't think too highly of yourself. "I can't tell you how annoying 20-somethings (men and women) are who, because they are young and cute and went to a good college, think that they are smarter than anyone else," Woodward says. 4. Choose the right clothes. This doesn't mean young professionals need to look stuffy or overly conservative. "But please remember that you are not in college, and you are not at a bar," she adds. 5. Connect with your peers. "These are the people you will be moving up the ladder with, and it's best to have them on your side to begin with," Woodward writes. "I've seen the people who ... went out of their way to hang out with the upper-level management, and they have all gone nowhere." For more information, see: http://www.careerjournal.com/columnists/perspective/20050512-fmp.html _________________________________________________________________ BALANCING ACT During times of transition—turbulent or otherwise—people want leaders who are both strong and vulnerable, as well as both demanding and compassionate, according to an article in the October issue of the Center for Creative Leadership's "Leading Effectively" e-newsletter. "The bar has been raised for leaders since 9/11 and the corporate scandals like Enron," says the CCL's Kerry Bunker. "People want the strength and courage that characterized the stereotypical leader of the past, but they also hold leaders to a high standard of character, humanness and ability to empathize and care about others." Leaders who want to create and maintain an atmosphere of trust during times of transition must be able to balance 12 distinct competencies, Bunker says. They include: • Realistic patience: This involves "knowing when and how to slow the pace down to allow time and space for people to cope and adapt," the CCL states. • Toughness: This is the ability to make difficult decisions about issues and people without hesitating or second-guessing yourself. • Self-reliance: According to the CCL, "A leader who is self- reliant has a great deal of confidence and is willing to step up and tackle most new challenges." • Realism and openness: Leaders who demonstrate this competency are candid about the current status and future prospects of a given situation. They also are honest and willing to admit their own mistakes. For more information, see: http://www.ccl.org/leadership/enewsletter/2005/OCTcompetencies.aspx?pageId=1370 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Book Review ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FROM SELF DEFEATING TO LIFE ENHANCING Get Out of Your Own Way at Work … and Help Others Do the Same By Mark Goulston, M.D. (G.P. Putnam's Sons, 2005) Most conscientious people wouldn't intentionally engage in activities that they knew would derail their careers. And yet, according to psychiatrist and corporate consultant Mark Goulston (see interview in previous issue of "Leadership Wired"), many unsuspecting individuals actually are on the verge of "committing hara-kari at work" due to practices such as procrastinating, worrying about what others think, making excuses and focusing on their weaknesses. Though some of these habits may seem quite innocuous, they are, in fact, self-defeating behaviors that cause otherwise well- meaning people to squander their potential, Goulston says. "In Get Out of Your Own Way at Work", he dissects 40 of the most common self-defeating behaviors he has observed in clinical and organizational settings over the years. Instead of simply describing these behaviors and explaining how to conquer them, however, Goulston also offers insight about why people engage in them. For example, a lack of self-discipline can often be traced to growing up in a chaotic environment and people-pleasing can stem from a childhood need to keep the peace in a dysfunctional family, while individuals who are technically competent but out of touch relationally are often secretly shy, and others who talk too much are "insecure and screaming for attention." To his credit, Goulston doesn't lapse into endless psychobabble or encourage people to view themselves as victims because of how they were raised. He even acknowledges that some readers, particularly those who are intensely bottom-line focused, may not be interested in the whys and the wherefores of self- defeating behaviors, and advises these individuals to head straight for the action steps at the end of each chapter. Speaking of action steps, another key strength of "Get Out of Your Own Way at Work" is the book's user-friendly format. The chapters—each devoted to one specific behavior—are short, easy to digest and replete with cogent examples of people who overcame each issue. Each chapter also includes a "usable insight"— a pithy nugget of wisdom about the topic—and the aforementioned action steps, which are highly practical and results-oriented. The fact that each chapter addresses only one self-defeating behavior makes it convenient for time-crunched readers to skim the table of contents and then zero in on the issues that are hampering themselves or their employees. Of course, there's also a good chance a person might be blind to the fact that he or she is engaging in some of these behaviors. So, in an appendix, Goulston also urges readers to ask trusted friends, family members or colleagues to review the table of contents and identify self-destructive behaviors they believe are a problem for the readers. To get the most out of "Get Out of Your Own Way at Work", people need to be brutally honest with themselves and have the courage to admit that they could be standing in the way of their own success. Such introspection isn't always comfortable, but in this case, the end result—behavior that has been transformed from self-defeating to life-enhancing—makes the process a worthwhile one. -- Review by Lois Flowers, INJOY consulting editor ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Quick Quotes ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SYSTEMATICALLY SPEAKING "Method is like packing things in a box; a good packer will get in half as much again as a bad one." — William Cecil "Have a time and place for everything, and do everything in its time and place, and you will not only accomplish more, but have far more leisure than those who are always hurrying, as if vainly attempting to overtake time that had been lost." — Tryon Edwards "I'm working to improve my methods, and every hour I save is an hour added to my life." — Ayn Rand _________________________________________________________________ Leadership Wired is written by Dr. John C. Maxwell and is available via e-mail on a free subscription basis. You can subscribe at: www.INJOY.com/Newsletters. Questions about document transmission or editorial comments? Contact mailto:feedback@INJOY.com. Visitors may use the information contained in this e-newsletter by placing the following credit line: "This article is used by permission from Dr. John C. Maxwell's free monthly e-newsletter 'Leadership Wired' available at www.INJOY.com." This information cannot be used for resale in any manner. Copyright (c) 2005, INJOY, Inc.